I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
