One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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