i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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