he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
