I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
