if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm both gender and math confused
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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