How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We have started to decorate penises.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
