**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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