Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
