i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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