her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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