I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
