Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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