last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
