he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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