I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
