i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
