my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
