Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
