dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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