I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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