Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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