Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
