He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
