the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
