Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my shit smells like andre
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
