hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
