I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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