I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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