Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
