i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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