does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
