In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize