I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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