im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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