Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
