tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
