This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
