my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
then he tried to convert me to islam
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize