we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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