The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
