I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We got so high we made milksteak
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
