i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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