just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
