A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
