I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just invented taco cereal.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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