I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
