my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
