i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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