i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
