how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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