i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
