Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
