you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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