i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
