apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
