the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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