i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize