The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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